We are deeply sorry for your loss. Please know that there is not any one, perfect way to walk through this process, nor is there much anyone can do to prepare for such a heartbreak. We want you to know you are not alone. We hope it will make the only moments with your child beautiful, peaceful, and without regret.
Please email us at [email protected] or Call/Text 270.779.2680 if you have any questions or concerns.
Please email us at [email protected] or Call/Text 270.779.2680 if you have any questions or concerns.
IF YOUR BABY HAS DIED IN-UTERO SLOW DOWN, there is no rush (unless medically necessary).
- Ask a family member or close friend to make calls to notify others that your baby has passed away.
- Request a room at the end of the maternity ward or on another floor to ensure a quiet space.
- Ask the nurses to describe what your baby will look like after he/she is born.
iF YOUR BABY WAS BORN ALIVE BUT IS NOT EXPECTED TO LIVE.
In addition to the suggestions above, the following may pertain to you.
- What are the final wishes you have for your baby? Would you like to take your baby outside in the sunshine, moonlight, or garden?
- Ask the nurses to describe what you may see or hear during your baby’s dying process.
- Request a private and peaceful space.
- You may hold your baby as he/she passes.
AFTER YOUR BABY IS BORN, WE RECOMMEND:
- Naming your baby
- Having skin-to-skin contact with your baby
- Rocking, holding, kissing, and cuddling your baby
- Bathing your baby
- Putting a diaper and clothes on your baby
- Singing and reading a book to your baby
- Asking hospital staff for a lock of hair from your baby
- Making hand and foot prints.
- Taking photographs of and with your baby. You will only have this one opportunity to capture these images which you will cherish for the rest of your life. For a volunteer bereavement photographer, we recommend www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org or a local contact through your hospital.
- Requesting a religious service or ceremony in the hospital (i.e. baptism), if applicable.
- Asking your care provider for a comfort cot or ice packs so you can prolong your time with your precious child.
AFTER YOU LEAVE THE HOSPITAL, WE RECOMMEND YOU CONSIDER:
- Asking for someone to arrange meal delivery for when you get home.
- Contacting a lactation consultant to help you decide whether you would like to suppress or donate your breast milk.
- Creating an online memorial via Caring Bridge or Facebook to share your loss journey and create community.
- Planning a memorial service.
- Sending out Born Still announcements.
- Seeking a perinatal bereavement mental health provider or support group in person and/or online.
Grieving Your Grandchild After Pregnancy and Infant Loss
The passing of a grandchild is a unique loss.Not only do you grieve for your grandchild, but you also worry deeply about your child and your child’s partner. We hope this information will help your own grieving process and guide you in supporting your children.
Loss affects everyone differently.It is normal to feel unequipped to adequately support your child and your child’s partnerwhile also experiencing your own grief.MEETING YOUR GRANDCHILD (if given the opportunity)
Loss affects everyone differently.It is normal to feel unequipped to adequately support your child and your child’s partnerwhile also experiencing your own grief.MEETING YOUR GRANDCHILD (if given the opportunity)
- It is natural to be hesitant to meet your grandchild in person.
- It may feel daunting or strange, but most families do not regret seeing and holding their (deceased) baby.
- Take part in memory making activities with your grandchild.
- Ask for a copy of the footprint or a lock of hair from your grandchild to keep as a personal connection.TENDING TO YOUR GRIEF
- Give yourself permission to grieve--you have also suffered a loss.
- Let go of any guilt you may feel.
- Read books or pamphlets about the loss of a grandchild.
- As a parent yourself, acknowledge the “loss of control” feelings you may have as you watch your own child grieve.
- Don’t judge yourself, grief is not linear; emotions will change from day-to-day and year-to-year.
- Share feelings with your spouse/partner or a trusted friend.
- Talk to other grieving grandparents about your experience.
- Find ways to manage and express your feelings such as exercising, writing, gardening, making crafts, or other creative activities.
- Get to know your grandchild—write letters to them, wear a symbol of their life, keep a journal, visit the cemetery, or celebrate “grandparent’s day.”
- Acknowledge that birthdays/loss anniversaries may be emotional for you and your child.
- Recognize that anger is part of the grieving process and do not take outbursts personally.
- Seek help from a therapist with special experience working with grieving grandparents.
- SUGGESTIONS FOR SUPPORTING THE GRIEVING PARENTS
- It is common for you to feel a need to hide your own emotions or be strong for your child; at times, it may be helpful for you and for your child if you are able to express your own grief.
- Say your grandchild’s name and talk about him or her.
- Follow your child‘s cues.
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Be a good listener.
- Be non-judgmental and accepting of their feelings and choices—everyone grieves differently.
- Instead of asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?”, offer concrete suggestions: provide meals, assist in organizing a funeral, hire a housekeeper, or support your living grandchildren.
- Do not clear away baby items without being asked.
- Commemorate your grandchild—plant a flower, plant a tree, place a marker, establish a memorial fund/scholarship, make a donation on your grandchild’s birthday, or remember during holidays of different faiths.
- Display photos (if available) of your grandchild.
- Do not ask your child about having future children; instead, let your child raise any conversation about future plans, if any.
- Research local support groups or counseling for grieving parents, who may find it overwhelming to seek out support, so that options are available to the parents when they are ready.
- Recognize that healing is a lifelong process and help your child understand that there is no time frame for the grief process.
- Do not suggest that your child should or will “get over” or “get past” a loss.
- If your child becomes pregnant again after their loss:know that they may be in denial of the pregnancy or have a fear of attaching to the baby; assure them that this is entirely natural, and do not try to talk them out of their fears or worries.